electric dreams… electric reality…

i will not hold you by restraining hands
nor yet by tears that silently accuse.
you shall be free—like waters on the strands
that come, and go, and tarry, as they choose.
i will not speak of days sweet to remember,
of lanes we trod through april sun and shower,
of twilight trysts through early-starred november,
prolonged each twilight by an evening hour—no, not a word to hint of that or this,
lest speaking so, your going i impede.
i will resign myself to all that is—like unto sands when cooling waves recede.
o while the strength of seeing love undone
still stands by me, i pray you, love, be gone.

                                          - trinidad l. tarrosa-subido

a good cup of coffee is always a welcome indulgence after hours of discussing the translation theories of arthur schopenhauer, johann wolfgang von goethe, matthew arnold, and walter benjamin…

the night was washed with pale red… the mall was still bustling with life… the air was filled with misadventures of friends who seem not to age…

amid the laughter and billows… a certain truth was made known…

the truth sets you free… as the old adage say…

but as it liberates you… the truth severs your heart… stabs your brain… cleaves your limbs from your body…

hangs your head… and advertise…

a soul for sale or rent…

it begins to drizzle… an earthy scent arises… lightning flashes through the sky…

i was about to post two previous blogs… and i don’t know what made me write and post this one first…

ever tried imagining the thing as an overgrown autistic?… instead of saying "it’s clobbering time!"… he might end up saying "it’s slobbering time!"…

the most pervert woman in the marvel universe is sue storm… aka the invisible woman… she might already be at your side licking your ear…

and the most desired male?… who else but mr. fantastic…

magneto’s son… quicksilver… owns the title of the most unlucky guy on bed… he gets off in just a second or two… the human torch ranks second… when het gets hot and flames on… he ends up toasting the girl below…

it’s the incredible hulk that i want to stay away from… it’s common knowledge that when he says "hulk smash!"… he ends up flattening everything that lay in front of him… and he is unstoppable… ever thought what he’ll do if he says "hulk horny!"… yaiks…

—

i don’t know why i end up being sad every time someone leaves… everytime it happens… i frequently pass by that person’s old place… hoping to get a glimpse… wishing that… she will be there…

especially if i ache to tell her something…

i didn’t know what hit me last night… i felt so lazy that i ended up slouching on the arm chair and watching whatever is being shown in the television…

it was a good thing though that there were some good shows last night… even if i wasn’t able to watch it all… i enjoyed finishing the vh1 special on the 50 greatest female singers of the music video era… it was good to see icons like pat benatar, melissa etheridge, and the bangles having good rankings with today’s stars like destiny’s child, britney spears, and christina aguilera…

however… i got a last song syndrome after watching the show… cher was also in the list… and clips from her music video "strong enough" was shown… i ended up humming the song until now…

then there’s the ever lovable shirley manson… it’s okay if you don’t agree with me… if you find shirley too dark… i confess… she’s one of my biggest crushes… dating back from my high school days… those before-leaving-the-house-mtv-moments wherein i often catch a glimpse of shirley and garbage’s "paranoid" and "stupid girl"… i do find her "cute"… and her persona exudes a different aura of sexiness…

the same goes with bassist cum photographer melissa auf der maur… whom i also have a crush with…

both chicks definitely rock… not only through their onstage antics… but also because they both have interesting minds… shirley was once a stage performer… she frequents charity functions… and loves the milwaukee bucks… what!?…

as for melissa… she has a degree in photography and have already exhibited her works… she also has a couple of photography books in the works…

how i wish i could meet someone who like shirley and melissa… sigh… another day… another castle built in the air…

i’m feeling lazy… hey… it’s already six pm… time to go home… and sleep…

i have always liked dire straits’ "money for nothing"… with mark knopfler strutting his guitar magic and sting providing his distinct voice and bass playing in the background… the 80s anthem became more popular with the surge of music television… thus the line "i want my mtv" in the first and last parts of the song became an instant hit…

everybody wants to have his own mtv…

okay… i can’t find the perfect word to describe the day that had just passed by…

i just need to fill some voids left to finish this asus a8r32-mvp motherboard review so i could move on to the video cards… i’m quite disappointed with this mobo… it is a revved up edition of an earlier mobo that i reviewed… it should have churned out better numbers than the ones posted by its predecessor… unfortunately… it chalked scores a number of nicks below… the new chipset placed on it is just a total loss…

and then the weird part…

there was a meeting being held before lunch regarding a company-sponsored event… i was surprised when emir called me to join them… when i entered the room, everybody had sly grins on their faces… i immediately knew that they were up to something and plans to use me to make it happen… and when they told me about their plan… i wished that i should have grabbed that editorial post in a girlie mag…

here is a hint of what they want me to do: mtv…

sigh… three weeks from now… i’ll lose a major chunk of my integrity and soul…

for the past two months… i’ve been to hell and back… i’ve been scrambling to meet deadlines and requirements… i was tough… but i learned a lot… i now fully know my weakness… i have trouble on focusing what to do…

i barely slept… an average of eight hours for every three days… and i’m mad with myself that i didn’t do the things i was supposed to finish… with the mad rush to meet deadlines and requirements… i missed a lot… and made some costly and bumbling mistakes… like overwriting the first scene of my play… and failing to write a review about some things…

since i lack the first scene of my play… i’m nervous about my grade… i still don’t have a grade posted on the website… i’m thinking that ma’am malou is waiting for me to submit the first scene… argh… of all the scenes that has to be overwritten… why the first scene?… i had a hard time conceptualizing it because it will set the tone for the later ones… i’m planning to work it out this weekend… i hope that my folks would be cooperative enough not to bother me while i try to cast my magic wand and sew words…

yeah right… sew words… i thought i lost it… since i started writing techie stuff… i’ve been trying to weigh two writing personas… one geeky… the other… romantic… yaiks… and also… two writing mantras… writing for the gut… and writing with heart… i write to earn a living… but i also write to express what i feel and to captivate minds…

geez… i’m starting to get queasy…

here i am again… in a usual situation… four mp3s… a motherboard… and a video card… needed to be reviewed… add a crap of pr materials… when will i learn the value of time management?…

valentine’s day is just on the other block… i’ll be in my habitual black shirt… i’m not ruing over not having a date… it had just became a customary thing for me to do every time this part of the year comes… whether i have or do not have a date…

yaiks… someone popped me a message telling that the office will be closed a few minutes from now… i’ll just continue this tomorrow morning…

i have yet to start writing my character sketches for my saturday class… and i’m still torn between two play ideas…

it seems like i really can’t take cramming away from my system… <sigh>

"He lifted his dripping face and touched his bruised lips to her toes; lifted his hands and grasped the white foot and kissed it savagely - kissed the step, the sole, the frail ankle - while she bit her lips and clutched in pain at the windowsill, her body distended and wracked by horrible shivers, her head flung back and her loose hair streaming out of the window - streaming fluid and black in the white night where the huge moon glowed like a sun and the dry air flamed into lightning and the pure heat burned with the immense intense fever of noon."

- excerpt from Nick Joaquin’s The Summer Solstice

let me send you off

leave me a poem
a little poem
so i can treasure words.

unnecessary words should be swallowed
unnecessary burden, let’s toss it away
so that i can –

be sure to leave me
a poem for a finale
so that –

i can keep the poem
as i stay behind
and treasure words.

to catch a second and turn it to forever

give me another chance
so i can count the rose petals,
let me watch the raindrops fall (on to eyeglasses),
while i sing, while i scream.

grant me another day
let wait for its return,
let me squeeze into a bus to follow.
let me guess. let me think.

grant me another second.
let me muddle through.
so i can catch that second,
and turn it to forever.

the raindrops will fall on the ground.
the crowd will disperse.
every question will have an answer.
forever will not stay.

time is running out.
my heart is throbbing.
waiting for a response.
waiting for it to become.

so grant me another second,
i will catch up with it,
i will lock it in my heart,
and turn it to forever.